An Ethical Dilemma

[GB_Amateur 4,757]

15 hours ago, zortan said:

since I’ve not been able to decide if this is right or wrong I haven’t even visited the site.  I’d like to hear your thoughts if this is ethical and right to consider doing this.

It's certainly ethical and commendable for considering it.  You've gotten a lot of advice, and what I say is not new but just more of a summary of earlier posts.

1) If you decide to do this, make sure it is legal.

2) Contacting the father/husband directly could create pain rather than the relief you are hoping for.  One option -- if you can find a relative/friend of the survivor, going through that person, who can then make the decision, seems potentially less harmful.  If the bereaved is a religious person, going through his church (e.g. pastor) might work best.  Newspaper/internet research might turn up names.

3) Law enforcement isn't always what we think or expect it to be.  Sometimes they have a lot on their plates and something like this could end up at the bottom of the priority list.  That could happen with them contacting the survivor or even returning a memento you find.

I'm a follower of the Golden Rule, but that isn't always the perfect solution.  For one thing, we can't really put ourselves in that person's shoes -- what we think would be comforting to us, based upon what we know, may not be the case for someone who has actually gone through such a situation.

No question your heart is in the right place, though.

[KellycoDetectors 114]

You've got pure intentions, and the heart of a sentimentalist. But I believe it is best to leave the gravesite well enough alone. You'll be better off without anyone suspecting you of meddling with it, and you can't know for certain whether the deceased's surviving family would appreciate the gesture.

[RobNC 338]

I think it is best left alone. It would be another matter entirely if you had stumbled across it unintentionally while out detecting THEN learned of the situation surrounding the loss.

It's all about perception, and in today's climate of finger pointing I just don't see any good coming from it. Some things and wounds are better left closed.

[locator 101]

On 2/23/2021 at 6:05 AM, zortan said:

Hello all,

A number of years ago I was one of the the first people to come upon a motorcycle accident in which 3 people lost their lives.  During the passing of one of the women she took her wedding ring off at some point which was found about a week later by someone who had come to see the wreck site.  I thought it was strange that I didn’t see it since I was by her side at the time of passing but it was good that the ring was returned to her family.  I also remembered seeing somewhere that apparently when someone passes quickly they will sometimes take off clothes and restrictive items.

I then remembered that in the mountains where I live a mother and daughter got lost, their bodies were found 2 years later.  Animals had strewn their bodies about.  I’ve considered for the last 2 years or so to go up there with my metal detector to see if I couldn’t find any sentimental jewelry to return to the Father/husband, I would give it to the sheriff to return to the family if I found anything.

My dilemma is this.  By all accounts this could be considered a gravesite and should not be disturbed at all.  Another part of me, the father/husband part of me, would relish to have any piece of my loved ones returned and if I knew I could get them nothing would stop me from having them back.

since I’ve not been able to decide if this is right or wrong I haven’t even visited the site.  I’d like to hear your thoughts if this is ethical and right to consider doing this.  If it would affect your decision, there is a possibility that I would find small skeletal remains as well that were missed by the search and rescue crews.  

Now, that you're asking this question here to the public shows that you know there is something wrong wigth your idea. My idea would be to ask the bereaved if they have a need for. But I think they will not. You see, I'm not the right one for forgiveness. I'd say let all R.I.P. .

May be a priest can be more helpful... -IMHO

[Hardtimehermit 302]

Yes your heart is in the right place, but remember no good deed goes unpunished, maybe let R.I.P.