At What Cost Did My Family Pay For My Addiction?

[George Kinsey]

A wife of 41 years departed. A son growing up while Dad spent most weekends detecting. Missed a few of his home runs.  I found it all ,no doubt. But at what cost? There is a silver lining to every dark cloud. We are still connected as a family and I have 2 grand children .I will spend every minute to be happy with them. If I could only go back 41 years................

[JCR]

GOD gives us the Present to deal with the Past. He is in charge of the Future, where everything comes together. Thankful for this Today..

[Bill (S. CA)]

George,

Like you, I've been at this a while (since 1972 to be exact).  I also have a departed wife by divorce.  And adult kids.  I like to think of metal detecting to have been "my time" which I think we all need.  While others may like clubs and group hunts and all of that stuff, I've always enjoyed the solitary  existence of me and my metal detector out looking for things.  Here in 2023 that hasn't changed.  It clears my head and relaxes me and in the world today there isn't much I can find to do that does that for me.

To answer the question of your subject line "At What Cost Did My Family Pay For My Addiction?" I would say that there was no cost whatsoever.  Rather there was the benefit from your detecting that allowed you to be more of who you are in those special moments with your family.

Bill

[George Kinsey]

38 minutes ago, Bill (S. CA) said:

George,

Like you, I've been at this a while (since 1972 to be exact).  I also have a departed wife by divorce.  And adult kids.  I like to think of metal detecting to have been "my time" which I think we all need.  While others may like clubs and group hunts and all of that stuff, I've always enjoyed the solitary  existence of me and my metal detector out looking for things.  Here in 2023 that hasn't changed.  It clears my head and relaxes me and in the world today there isn't much I can find to do that does that for me.

To answer the question of your subject line "At What Cost Did My Family Pay For My Addiction?" I would say that there was no cost whatsoever.  Rather there was the benefit from your detecting that allowed you to be more of who you are in those special moments with your family.

Bill

Nicely said Bill.

[phrunt]

There are worse addictions, and at least our hobby doesn't make our teeth rot away and our skin go funky, it's possibly quite the opposite, good for our health.

 

[Doc Bach]

6 minutes ago, phrunt said:

There are worse additions, and at least our hobby doesn't make our teeth rot away and our skin go funky, it's possibly quite the opposite, good for our health.

 

Amen.

[rvpopeye]

Don't beat yourself up because you had a hobby George  !

I saw many in the music biz throw it all away just for a stupid buzz.......

 

 

  

 

 

[NCtoad]

I guess moderation is the key to any hobby.  Everyone needs time to themselves…some more than others.  I’m 60 and have three kids aged 13, 13 and 15.  It’s a balancing act getting my alone time in along with time with my kids.  (My wife and I are separated so we alternate weeks with the kids.  We actually get along better now.)  Every other weekend I’m free to do whatever I wish.  

[Dick Stout]

My family suffered because of my addiction, and moving them from New Jersey to Texas back in 1988 was something that bothered me immensely back then and still does. A monumental change, a whole different world. 

It's too late to go back now and change things but I will never again neglect those I love the most for a hobby, no matter what it is. 

[j71038]

Hi,

I would like to preface my comments in that I am very new to metal detecting.

I think we all have interests that can be both fascinating and time consuming but unless you committed crimes so you could get a metal detector or assaulted a family member to go out detecting don't beat yourself up too badly. Being human means we will make mistakes along the way. Unless those mistakes were based upon actual malicious intent the decisions that trouble you are no more than a bad judgment call.

My wife likes golfing. I have no use for it. If I divorced her because she spends time doing so with other people then chances are I was already looking for an excuse to get divorced. Because I still love her I bought her a new set of clubs and encourage her to enjoy her activity. Not my thing but if it makes her happy then all is well.

I went and bought my first detector only a short while ago and I did not tell her what I was buying. When I arrived home and showed her the machine she remarked that since she wanted me to walk more she was glad I bought it. She didn't call our lawyer or move out.

The point is that having interests in life, even if different than your spouse, is healthy in my opinion.

Another thought is since this hobby seems to be slewed towards us slightly older people I am really happy that I can look forward to yet another interesting activity when I do retire. I used to have a small business and the people I felt sorriest for had no interests after they left the workforce. Once they retired they fell apart or descended into a sea of anger and self pity. I don't think that will happen to people reading this post or on this forum.

Can you imagine living in a world devoid of mysteries, miracles and magic? I can't think of anyone who metal detects or partakes of some of my other hobbies that suffers from a complete disinterest in the world. Those that are afflicted with such apathy towards life not only are miserable but usually make everyone around them equally miserable.

One last thought. Dick Stout mentioned moving his family from NJ to TX. I wouldn't see that as horrible. After all, maybe staying in NJ would have been disastrous for them. No one knows how things might have been but for the move. The fact that you feel a bit guilty says you are a stand up guy with morals who cares very much for his family.

I apologize for my lack of eloquence to make my points better but in summary don't feel bad about having interests such as metal detecting. There are far worse things you could have done.