Old Santy Crashed His Sleigh One Night

[Lanny]

Warning! Annual Prospecting Poetry!!

Old Santy Crashed His Sleigh One Night

On Christmas eve of ‘62,
Well, things was lookin’ mighty blue.
There’d been a crash, a wreck all right
A prairie mishap one dark night.

But let me backtrack just a bit
So you can ponder all of it.
One special night so long ago
Found Santy Claus all set to go.

Away up North one winter’s night,
The sky was filled with stars all bright.
And on that Eve, old Santy flew
His magic reindeer sleigh, it’s true!

But later on a storm arose,
The worst one ever I suppose,
The wind commenced an awful blow
That filled the air with ice and snow.

Old Santy couldn’t see at all,
And then his sleigh began to fall.
His reindeer froze, then couldn’t fly
No matter how they fought to try.

So down it went, the sleigh and deer . . .
This filled old Nick with dread and fear
‘Cause in his sleigh were all the toys
For countless wishful girls and boys.

A dreadful drop, a jarring crash,
All Christmas hopes it seemed to dash.
Old Nick was groggy, light of head
And mighty lucky he wern’t dead.

The racket woke a skinner old
A muleteer if truth be told.
Snug in the fort he’d heard the sound
Of something crashing to the ground.

Jake left his bed all safe and warm,
In Benton’s fort assailed by storm,
Then grabbed a lantern off the hook,
Threw on his boots to take a look.

No other souls awoke that night
The soldiers, freighters, slept right tight.
So Jake took off to look around
For what had crashed into the ground.

The snow had drifted rather deep
Since he’d retired for his sleep.
So through the gate he left to see
The site of such calamity.

Outside the fort, an awful sight
Revealed itself by lantern light,
A busted sleigh and reindeer too!
Old Santy Claus was turnin’ blue.

Montanny winters sure are cold,
They favor steely men and bold.
So Jake the skinner acted quick
To save those reindeer and Saint Nick.

The deer he quickly tucked away
Inside a stable filled with hay.
And by his fire he propped Saint Nick.
But things were lookin’ mighty sick

‘Cause Santy Claus was out of it.
His reindeer too, the whole durn kit!
Who now to take the gifts and toys
To all those wishful girls and boys.

Yes, Jake was in an awful fix!
He needed stuff like magic tricks
To find a way to save the night
And get old Santy’s sleigh in flight.

A thinkin’ some, he shook Saint Nick
To see if Santy had a trick
To help him on his new-found quest.
Yet, Santy didn’t look his best.

But all at once, in Santy’s hand,
Appeared a bag of northern brand.
And on it words, “Pure magic dust”,
Jake knew right then this was a must.

For in the back, a stable stout,
Held eight old mules. They’d help him out!
Those mules could fly, with magic dust,
And Jake had earned their life-long trust.

So in a flash, out back he flew
To coax his mules that job to do.
No purdy names his mules they had
‘Cause Jakey’s mules was mostly bad.

As Patch, and Bob the oldest two,
Why any livin’ thing they’d chew.
They’d tear a chunk from hide or hair
And once they whupped a grizzly bear!

While Mike and ornery, nasty Bing
Would kick their hooves at anything.
A dance girl once had flitted past
And caught herself a hammered blast.

And Patch who had a taste for beer
Had once romanced a long-horned steer.
Old Sam possessed a nasty mood
He’d use to pitch off any dude.

But Jack was just an ornery sort
A little wide, and awful short.
Now Jenny, she was sort of cute
To skinner Jack, that old galoot.

So Jack approached his fractious crew
And let them know just what he’d do
By cussin’ loud, with swears and such,
If troubled times they brung him much.

Then findin’ harness, tack and kit
Jake started singin’ songs a bit.
‘Cause every skinner oughter know
Some songs to sing to start the show.

His mules perked up, their ears they cocked
And on their heels they gently rocked
For singin’ soothes the savage beast
Or calms it down, a bit, at least.

So Jake commenced to sing a song,
It wasn’t loud nor awful long,
But just a shorter sort of thing
That Jake dreamt up that night to sing.

“Yippy ki-yi-yippee, ki-yippee ki-yew
My home’s in Montanny, the gold is here too,
Yippy ki-yi-yippy, ki-yippy ki-yay
My home’s in Montanny but Santy I’ll play.

Yippy ki-yi-yippee, ki-yippee ki-yee
My home’s in Montanny, but Santy I’ll be.
Yippy ki yi yippee, ki yippee ki yew
My home’s in Montanny, but this job I’ll do.”

Then Jake began to sprinkle dust
A needful thing, a surest must!
Them mules, their eyes grew mighty wide
As wings they sprouted on each side.

Like Pegasus they rose right quick.
That magic dust worked mighty slick.
Alarmed, Jake staked them to the trees
To stop them flyin’ off like bees.

Yet on the ground lay Santy’s sled,
All bent and lookin’ awful dead.
But magic dust is sure strong stuff.
A pinch or two was just enough

To perk that sleigh and make it shine.
Now Santys ride was lookin’ fine!
The toys were scattered in the woods,
But Jake corralled them children’s goods.

He set them back in Santys pack,
That Christmas Eve all dark and black.
Off to his shack Jake softly trod
Where Santy gave his head a nod

To give permission to old Jake
On Christmas Eve those toys to take.
A buff’ler robe Jake swiftly found
And wrapped it tightly all around.

Then up he climbed into that sleigh
With mules hitched up to fly away.
Those brutes of his looked mighty calm
That magic dust, a healin’ balm.

The storm abated at that time,
And to the sky that sleigh did climb.
Without a hitch of any sort,
Jake cleared the walls of Benton’s fort.

Well Jakey made old Santy’s run
On Christmas Eve, and it was fun
A slidin’ down those chimleys black
With Santy’s loaded goody pack.

He stuffed the socks and left the toys
For all the little girls and boys.
He snarfed the milk and cookies too.
And sometimes sampled stiffer brew

Left out for him by kinder souls
With Cheery Christmas warm-up goals.
A snort or two, but nothin’ long,
With Jake his fear was mighty strong

If Forty Rod too much he sipped,
Old Santys sleigh might just get flipped!
And that would prove an awful thing
On Christmas Eve with gifts to bring.

At last—no more—his job was done.
Jake finished off his Christmas run
By touching down old Santy’s sleigh.
Of course, he put his mules away.

Back to his cabin Jakey crept
Where by the fire old Santy slept.
So off to bed went skinner Jake
‘Til Christmas morn he came awake.

But Nick was gone, his reindeer too!
So Jake got feelin’ mighty blue.
Yet, on his wall he found a note,
And if I may, I’ll share a quote:

“To skinner Jake, my truest friend,
Old Santy Claus some help will lend.
When Winter snows melt fast away
Head out to Alder Gulch to play.

The rush won’t start ‘till ‘63
The first to stake you’ll surely be.
The map I’ve drawn will get you there.
I figure that should make us square.”

Jake found the spot without a hitch.
The strike he made was filthy rich,
And his good fortune was because
He’d helped out dear old Santy Claus.

All the best of the season to everyone,

Lanny

[Jim Hemmingway]

We've had the great pleasure of reading your countless narratives about searching for those sassy gold nuggets in the wilds of British Columbia for many years now Lanny. It has been an indescribably wonderful experience. Your literary work rivals or surpasses anything I've ever read.

And of course, each year we look forward to reading your latest Christmas poetry, it is an established ritual with us. Christmas wouldn't be the same without you in it. 

Your admirers,

Jim & Joanne Hemmingway

[Lanny]

17 hours ago, phrunt said:

holy, did you write that Lanny? I thought you just copied and pasted it from somewhere!!!

Outstanding.

 

Hi Simon

Yes, I wrote it. So many thanks for your kind words.

I grew up in the West, and we always ran a small herd of cattle; I've always had horses to run with those cattle as well, still do. Furthermore, there are some of the largest ranches in my area only minutes away, so I got to spend time rubbing shoulders with some of the genuine old cowboys, so I've picked up some Western slang as well.

(Pictures thanks to Wiki-commons, 1888.)

As for the prospecting poetry, I've fired off a poem or two, generally at Christmas time, just to have a little fun playing with words every once in a while.

Thanks again, and all the best,

Lanny

P.S. I'll post what I believe is my favourite Christmas Western/Prospecting Poem I've composed so you can have a gander.

[Lanny]

11 hours ago, Jim Hemmingway said:

We've had the great pleasure of reading your countless narratives about searching for those sassy gold nuggets in the wilds of British Columbia for many years now Lanny. It has been an indescribably wonderful experience. Your literary work rivals or surpasses anything I've ever read.

And of course, each year we look forward to reading your latest Christmas poetry, it is an established ritual with us. Christmas wouldn't be the same without you in it. 

Your admirers,

Jim & Joanne Hemmingway

Jim,

Your expressions of appreciation always astound me, and I'm grateful you enjoy my attempts at poetry as it's just for entertainment and my own enjoyment more than anything else, so I really am impressed by your ongoing kind words, truly.

As for poetry, some people like it, and many hate it, so that's why I always post it with a strong warning as I don't intend to offend by writing it, but to some folks it's like a strong deterrent to the enjoyment of words.

Thanks again, and all the best to you and yours during this festive season,

Lanny

[Lanny]

14 hours ago, kiwijw said:

Gezz Lanny....that is a yarn & a half. You must have been up half the night punching that one out. Good effort. Cheers. ?

JW 

JW,

It was indeed almost an epic, but I kept it just under book length . . .

It did take quite a while to throw a loop around all those word in order to corral them to be able to slap a brand on them (having some fun with western slang, hope you don't mind).

All the best to you and the missus during this holiday season,

Lanny

[fredmason]

you done good, pardner!

fred

[Lanny]

25 minutes ago, fredmason said:

you done good, pardner!

fred

Many thanks long-timer and old bull-o-the-woods, much appreciated, truly!

All the best,

Lanny

[beatup]

great piece of work Lanny.

[Lanny]

I'm working on posting that other poem Simon, but I've hit a roadblock for some reason . . .

[Lanny]

47 minutes ago, beatup said:

great piece of work Lanny.

Many thanks for dropping in to say so, much appreciated that you took a little time to do that.

All the best,

Lanny